Exclusive: Adrian Newey working on radical ground-effect system for dogs

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Having now built his most successful ever single seat racing car, fabled F1 designer Adrian Newey has turned his attention to the next logical step. The RB18 and Valkyrie hypercar designer is working on a radical new ground-effect system for dogs.

The new side-skirts and fan will keep clumsy Labradors under control when on a highly polished floor, allowing greater hallway speeds and avoiding excursions off into the skirting board.

Insiders have seen plans to roll out further models for different breeds, including a long-wheelbase model for Great Danes and a lightweight version for West Highland Terriers. Set-up work is currently underway with the plan being for a full reveal at Crufts, where the system will attempt a new lap record at the agility event.

“I really needed a new challenge outside of Formula One and road cars,” Newey said. “I quickly realised that nobody had – NO DON’T GO IN THERE – really looked into making properly efficient and high-performance propeller-assisted traction control for dogs.

“We’ve had a few hiccups along the way and – OH FOR GODS SAKE GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THAT – but the countless hours spent in the wind tunnel and in a muddy field trying desperately to recall will all be worth it.

“NO DON’T EAT THAT NO STOP. *Sigh*, he’s chewed through a prototype. Again.”