BMW M5 - long-term review

The X Factor. That intangible something that elevates the ordinary into the exceptional. Could that be something as simple as adding a boot to the back of the M5? Ah, you thought I was going to liken the M5 Touring to an unstoppable TV juggernaut? Let’s not be too hasty – it’s only just got here.

Yep, the Fire Red saloon has been swapped for an Isle of Man Green estate, and the last report’s backdrop of a small house in Wales is now a big mountain in the Alps. Like the saloon, the estate doesn’t settle properly in the UK. The ride fidgets, the car often feels tense. Get into France and… ah, that’s better.

The suspension settles, it falls silent, distances are soaked up. Less a comment on the M5, than the parlous state of our roads. Not very M5, talking about refinement, is it? Nor economy, but here goes. I didn’t recharge en route. Because why would you when there’s a twin turbo V8 to do the heavy lifting? With a roofbox on it did 23.9mpg over 1,600 miles. Big fall from the 36-42mpg it gets if I plug in at home to refill the 18.6kWh battery.

In the mountains, I discovered two things. The M5 fits through tucked away French villages just as well as it fits through walled Welsh cities. You drive everywhere with a pre-prepped wince on your face. It took much rowing back and forth to line up the reverse onto my mate’s narrow drive, only to discover – with a nasty graunch – just how limited ground clearance is as well.

But just as I’d been wondering what the M5 offered over a 530e, an opportunity. A fast run up to Arc 2000 to collect a sit ski (more on that in a sec). Lovely weather, wide enough road up from Bourg St Maurice and all the torque I could wish for. And most of the grip. Turns out Hankook winter tyres turn a bit squidgy with 2.5 tonnes pressing down on them and unseasonably warm temperatures.

This generation of M5 hides its light under a bushel more than previous ones, does less to encourage fun driving, but get the modes ramped up and it’s there for you. The 4WD Sport setting is brilliant, sending torque rearwards for amusing hairpin exits, while maintaining forward momentum. Hero mode. Electric is there for instant throttle response, but it’s not enough. More e-shove is needed. You can’t just leave it in third for hairpins and rely on electric torque and response to pull you out, you have to use the V8 as well. No hardship.

But this one drive was revealing. There’s still an M5 tucked away in here. And emptied of luggage (you can’t hear skis being thrown around in a roofbox), it’ll have Jean-Claude in his hot Clio puffing to keep up.

What the M5 doesn’t have – more’s the pity – is Ohlins dampers. The Tessier sit-ski does. It’s a skiing wheelchair, designed to give disabled people access to the mountain. My 16 year old niece Chloe has cerebral palsy but has never let it hold her back. She has a Bear Grylls-level sense of adventure. The sit ski opens up a whole new world to her. So I, plus my wife and bro, spent a week learning to be sit-ski pilotes.

Imagine trying to take a shopping trolley down a mountain. One filled with a cargo just slightly more valuable than milk, sausages and cereal. As much as the technique required, it’s the sense of responsibility. You want your passenger to have fun, but having a crash doesn’t bear thinking about. And then there’s the getting it on and off of lifts. We ended each day utterly spent.

As a result I was dreading the one-hit 750-mile slog back. Would have rather liked to be bundled into the back of a Range Rover and make it someone else’s problem, but I’ll say this for the M5: purring V8 and distantly rumbling tyres are actually quite a soothing combination. Plus BMW has the best lane keep system out there. Not only accurate, but calm and confident. No sudden moves, just enough assistance to give you a helping hand without interfering.

I feel better about this M5 already. The Touring body suits this new hybrid M5. Maybe it’s because you make allowances for an estate that you don’t for a saloon. More likely it’s that estates are inherently cooler. And it looks better.