Noted engineer hails ‘miracle’ discovery of new motorsport gear ratio
Additional accelerator pedal travel also unearthed, car industry thanks movies
Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring
A noted and experienced motorsport engineer expressed shock today following the big screen discovery of a hitherto unknown gear ratio capable of overtaking every single car on track in a single lap.
The discovery of the new ‘miracle’ gear – which the engineer claims will ‘shake the very core of global motorsport’ – also coincided with the unearthing of an additional ten inches of previously unknown accelerator pedal travel.
Data shown in a new car film proved that when the ‘miracle’ new gear and extra pedal travel were utilised together - following a cringeworthy voice-over from a mentor or an entirely crass manipulation of tragedy used as character motivation - drivers were able to overtake their rivals as though racing in a different formula.
“I’ve been in the motorsport game a long time,” the engineer with decades of real-world experience told TopGear.com, “but when I saw that racing driver upshift and push the pedal flat out – despite being in the highest gear on a flat out straight already – I knew my life would never be the same again.
“All those years spent fine tuning gearboxes and engines to eke out tenths of a second, all for nothing.
“My life has been a complete and utter waste.”
Rumours suggest that having seen this new car film – and subsequently researching every single car movie ever filmed – a number of top racing teams including Mercedes F1 are hastily redeveloping their car philosophies in a bid to copy this revolutionary new layout.
“The day you saw that driver find the miracle gear to overtake everyone as though they were standing still you hailed as a ‘miracle’,” a Red Bull Racing insider told TG.
“We call it ‘just another Sunday afternoon’,” the insider added, while attempting to contain a laugh.
Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox.
Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox.