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McLaren ‘engages fans’ with spurious but amusing plans for Woking GP

McLaren proves that too much caffeine really isn’t positive for creativity

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The McLaren Honda press office proved that it has very little to actually write about this week by ‘revealing’ wholly inaccurate and made-up news of a proposed plan to bring a round of the Formula One World Championship to its home town of Woking, Surrey.

Speaking into a chocolate model of a tape recorder, Jonathan Neale, Chief Operating Officer, McLaren Technology Group, said: “Why not? Why not bring Formula 1 to the streets of Woking? Obviously, aside from the huge social and financial commitment needed to set up the infrastructure, re-profile roads, re-lay Tarmac, fit miles of Armco, build grandstands, pay for race-hosting fees and gain approval and sign-off from the FIA, we don’t see any barriers to our vision.”

Looking forward to a home advantage, McLaren employees came up with the ‘Woking International Circuit’ - a  high-speed 4.85km track said to take advantage of the congested market town’s winding streets and weirdly-shaped half-dual carriageways, as well as the ‘nasty junction’ by Gregg’s and the big straight that runs past Timpson’s. It even goes so far as to pass two of McLaren’s former factories – on Boundary Road and Albert Drive – to ‘further drive home the links between the company and its hometown’.

Zak Brown, Executive Director, McLaren Technology Group, added, while shouting into the void: “Our engineers, our mechanics, our strategists have all actually driven this track,” added Brown. “In fact, they’ve lived it; which actually gives them a head-start over the rest of the field. They know every bump on the track, every ripple in the Tarmac, every useable rush-hour rat-run, every decent takeaway restaurant within a five-mile radius of the start-line. That’s the sort of advantage you can’t buy…”

But of more interest to casual observers is probably the stuff going on off the track, with the F1 paddock mounted on floatable pontoons anchored along the Woking-Basingstoke canal, and the world’s media ‘hotdesking’ amongst local cafes, restaurants and shopping centres, utilising many of the town’s wifi hotspots. Which sounds quite nice, actually.

Is the Woking Grand Prix a bad idea? Or should we call McLaren’s bluff and make street racing happen in Woking? Shall we start a TG petition?

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