Nine ways to stop your car being stolen

Car theft; not fun, and egregiously inconvenient... especially when you have to go hunting for your own car yourself. As one couple made headlines for this week.

And we've been there. Remember that time wrong'uns made off with our Audi S3 long-termer? Nasty business, and the police told us that if the car wasn't fitted with a tracker, they wouldn't have looked for it or made enquiries. Spiffing. Luckily we got it back. Plenty of folk don't.

So here's a few things you can do to reduce the risk of having your car stolen. With the caveat that if a crook is determined enough to pinch your motor, no amount of precaution is going to stand in their way.

Do we really need to tell you to lock your car? Apparently so. According to police figures, in 44 per cent of vehicle thefts, the car was unlocked. Great. So, er, lock it.

Also, lock it up. Using your garage for stashing your car, rather than storing that pop-up gazebo that felt like a good purchase at the time but hasn't been out since that wet family BBQ three years ago, is surprisingly effective.

Another obvious one, but you’d be amazed how many people forget. Only 18 per cent of vehicle thefts start with a broken window, so if you remember to roll ’em up (Google it, kids) you’re already on the right side of that statistic.

Also, don't leave valuables in there, especially not in plain sight. That basically equates to gift-wrapping them with a note that says 'Help yourself'. And not only do you risk losing your precious belongings, but an opportunistic thief might well think 'While I'm here, I might as well nab the car as well'.

Our advice? Get hold of some privacy film and slap it on the rear windows (it ain’t legal on the front ones, FYI).

The on-board diagnostics (OBD II) port is that thing-ma-jig under your steering wheel. Garages plug in when they need to find a fault; thieves use it to circumvent the car's security, and make off with your pride and joy in less than a minute. An OBD lock (easy to Google) physically covers the port and secures it with a key. If nothing else, it'll slow the light-fingered lot down.

So many cars these days are stolen to order that car theft is almost a profession in its own right. Expert car snatches will know to look for a tracker, and will go to destructive ends to rid a stolen motor of the geo-locating gadget. Which is why it's worth stashing another - why not make the game of hide-and-seek last a little bit longer?

Keyless entry is super convenient for drivers... and criminals. Using a relay, villains will mimic the radio frequency and encoding from your key to gain access to the car on the driveway, then find a way to start it and steal it. You can avoid such deft pickings by keeping keys away from windows and doors, and wrapping them in tinfoil overnight. No really. Better still, inhibit the radio signals by buying a Faraday pouch - does the same thing without creating as much waste.

Just remember that this might motivate some thieves to break in and turn everything over in search of the key. You might not want that kind of escalation, nor having to set up Home Alone style booby traps every night before bed.

It's an oldie, but a goodie. Steering wheel locks are so 1990s, but they're making a comeback. A physical deterrent might ward off Mr or Mrs Have-a-go, but if someone's planned on taking your particular model, chances are they'll arrive with the necessary kit to cut the thing off. Again, that takes time, and who's in the business of making it easy for these automotive rogues?

One that's got motion detection. Stick it in the window and let it stand guard when no one else is keeping an eye out. Got one with an internal cabin view? Awesome. Now you have endless memes of your car-karaoke skills, and high-res face footage of the perp. Live-streamed to save straight to your mobile. Hello, sunshine, you're nicked.

Yes, it gets cold in winter. Yes, you need to defrost your car. No, it is not a good idea to leave it running while you nip inside for more de-icer. If someone half-inches your motor when you've done half the work for them, who's the real schmuck?

Sadly, the Ford Fiesta, Focus and VW Golf rank as the top three most stolen cars in the UK. And of course, Range Rover theft was so prolific at one point JLR had to schedule a security update. So maybe think twice about going there.

If you're one of the thousands of people for whom this intel has arrived too late, maybe prise the badge off the front and throw some camo on there so it blends into the surrounding area? If only someone would hurry up and invent that vanishing tech from Die Another Day...