Grand Theft Auto VI mission to include replacing subframe bush on Mafia Sentinel

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A mission in upcoming videogame Grand Theft Auto VI will be focused entirely on replacing a worn rear subframe bush on a Mafia Sentinel, insiders have revealed.

Despite its billing as a hugely complex, multifaceted crime drama, the game’s designers were keen to marry the narrative-rich, explosive gameplay with the extraordinarily mundane world of car maintenance.

As such, players will be offered side quests that not only involve replacing rear subframe bushes on classic GTA cars, but also in dealing with snapped bolts, impossibly tight nuts, rusty sills and parts shipping delays.

“When we said GTA 6 will set a new benchmark for all entertainment, we meant it,” the insider said. “And that includes the mind-numbingly dreary but inexplicably satisfying act of replacing a worn rear subframe bush on a fictional executive limousine.

“Sure, this blockbuster game will feature expertly-crafted dialogue, shoot outs, wild helicopter sequences, speedboats blowing each other up and the kind of storyline that’d sweep up every Oscar going. But at its heart, Grand Theft Auto has always been about cars.

“And cars break down. They rust. Their bushes perish and their water pumps give out and their bolts seize and their air-conditioning compressors fail and their cabin pollen filters require a degree in engineering to replace. We will enter this grey world of automotive drudgery, and we will make it sparkle.”

The insider later admitted that attempting to source the replacement subframe bush would involve a complicated pre-mission involving a 520mph mid-air heist on a cargo aircraft transporting the parts while shooting down rival car maintenance garages in F-15 fighter jets during a thunderstorm.