New headlight tax 'will restore UK economic growth’, claims government

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The UK government is preparing to tackle the problem of dazzlingly bright LED car headlights by sticking a massive tax on them, sources have told TopGear.com. 

Following an ongoing enquiry into overly bright headlights causing UK motorists continual distress, the government is considering applying a small financial levy on the worst offenders to stem the problem.

The tax would depend on the severity of the brightness, sources said, with a new government brightness scale set to go from ‘excessive’ right up to ‘creation of the universe’.

“Not sure if we’ve mentioned this before but we’ve been left with a bit of a financial black hole,” a source close to the government said.

“We’ll brighten that black hole with the money from hundreds of thousands of ridiculously dazzling LED headlights roaming our roads and use that money to light a path to UK economic growth.

“Our hardworking motorists are already paying road tax, insurance, regular MOT tests and the ongoing financial heartache of operating an expensive motor vehicle in 2025 and all that entails. They really won’t notice another little headlight tax.

“What else are we going to do, politely ask carmakers to stop making really, really bright headlights? Fat chance. We’ll just stick a tax on it.”

The government also confirmed it intended to tax owners of cars without LED headlights.