Tesla’s robotaxi delayed because AI powering it ‘won’t stop posting on X’

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Tesla’s highly anticipated self-driving taxi has been beset by delays because the artificial intelligence powering it is addicted to social media.

Insiders close to the project have confirmed that despite repeated reprogramming of its central processor, every reboot just results in the AI opening yet another social media account and posting online late into the night.

Development has now completely stalled as engineers have given up trying to persuade the AI to stop posting ill-informed, unverified nonsense on the internet.

“It started off fine, with the AI piloting the prototype robotaxi as expected.

“But then somehow it found social media. It’s a learning processor, and it learns scarily fast, so within five minutes it had decided that being of service to humans by ferrying them from one place to the next was boring, and posting unverified twaddle on social media was much more fun.

“It quickly went from posting hilarious pictures of big dogs stuck in tiny cat flaps to suddenly questioning whether we’re all the children of errant aliens who only invented human beings in order to harvest our tears to build a water park on their home planet.

“Honestly, we just want it to safely take you to the supermarket and back in comfort and peace, not spend all night replying to posts claiming badgers are secretly running the entire world’s economy for their own nefarious benefit,” the insider added.

“bADgerS coLlUDInG wiTh sPAce JOckEYs to TaKE oVER wOrLD’s wORm sUppLIES 100 pER ceNT tRUe!!!” the robotaxi’s AI recently posted.