Exclusive: futurist predicts last car on Earth will be grey, 1.2-litre Honda Jazz

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The only car able to outlast humanity’s time on planet Earth will most likely be a first-generation Honda Jazz, experts have announced.

Futurologists have released the findings of a new study looking at automotive longevity in a changing landscape, and found that despite huge technological advances humankind has made and is yet to make, an old, 2002 Mk1 Jazz with faded paint will probably outlast everything.

“We looked at every possible scenario, every single make and model of car, every conceivable automotive invention and transport-based solution the best brains on our planet will make, and nothing – we repeat, nothing - will be as dependable as a hardy little Japanese city car,” the expert said.

“Nothing is as able to resist extreme temperatures, parts shortages, dodgy service intervals, varying levels of mechanical sympathy, and outright Armageddon-spec vehicular abuse like an old Honda Jazz.

“It will bear various dings from driving into parking bollards and from being driven into by doomed fleets of autonomous robotaxis, which the Jazz will comfortably outlive. The oil might not have been changed in 50,000 miles. There’ll be a slight smell of damp from the back. The radio won’t work and the glovebox won’t open.

“But by god the car will be running absolutely perfectly.

“Never before in the history of our field has a human invention been so reliable, indestructible and forgettable as to outlast the lifespan of most species on the planet and not even warrant a mention in the history books. If there'll even be a history book once we’re all gone.

“Mark my words: when the time comes, the last car standing will be a Honda Jazz with three million miles on the clock,” the expert added.

“Three million miles? That’s practically brand new, my dear,” a Mk1 Honda Jazz owner said. “Now, if you’d be so kind as to help me find my reading glasses.”