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I failed my driving test today.

Four minors and one major fault: accidentally using a bus lane without actually driving a bus. The frustration is overwhelming. So much time, money and expectation all wasted because I didn’t read a sign correctly. 

So I’m back at TG Towers with my sad little driving test report and an even sadder expression on my face. Could there possibly be a worse place to be after committing such an atrocity? 

I’m writing this with my head down in a corner sacrificing my need for a cup of tea as to avoid as many accusing glances as possible. I’ve had a few sympathetic looks, most people have avoided me (thanks guys), and one or two have made some ‘loser’ remarks. 

I could blame the ‘intensive course’ on my epic fail, but I don’t think this is true in my case. Yes, I’ve only had five days learning on London roads, but with Jim and Mike for guidance I can honestly say I felt confident before my test.

So, where did I go wrong? 

Well, unsurprisingly given previous form, I went a bit wide when reversing around a corner and held up quite a bit of traffic, but thankfully the examiner was impressed at how I corrected. I kept well within the speed limit, exited the bloody massive roundabout at the third exit in a safe manner, just as I was instructed. I emergency stopped like a pro. 

So what happened then? Well, I may have kinda, sorta broke the law by kinda, sorta sailing up a bus lane when it was in use. Good work. I didn’t even realise my error until we had arrived back at Hither Green Test Centre and Tim the examiner broke it all down for me. A silly mistake that will haunt me for quite some time. 

Jim was as upset as I was, but undeterred he has booked me in for another test on the 24th October. 

My name is Nicola Hamilton, I work at Top Gear, and I still can’t drive. 

I’m also in the market for an invisibility cloak. At least until the 24th…

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