REVEALED: Harry and Meghan's wedding wheels!*

It’s the question on literally some people’s lips: in what car shall Prince Harry and Meghan Markle depart their wedding this weekend?

Prince William and Kate Middleton, as all staunch royalists shall remember, exited their reception in Prince Charles’s Aston DB5. The one that, like so many great members of the royal family, was powered by wine.

But Harry, as we all know, is very much his own man. What will he choose? Having rattled through our contacts book of palace officials and royal insiders, only to discover we know exactly no palace officials or royal insiders, Top Gear can exclusively reveal this entirely fictional shortlist of Harry’n’Meghan's Royal Wedding Wheels. If it’s not one of these, we’ll eat our Union Jack bowler hats and polish off our collection of commemorative mugs for dessert.

What car better encapsulates the special relationship shared by Britain and the US than the Ford Capri? American badge, built in Dagenham, and half a century old this very year.

Would also afford Harry – assuming he’s on driving duties (not a given, but he’s probably more familiar with right-hand-drive than the US-raised Ms Markle) – the opportunity to celebrate settling down by skidding round the back streets of the East End, crashing through cardboard boxes and bellowing in a Cockney accent. It’s one of his top impressions.

A British institution. Faintly baffling to anyone not from these shores. Still clinging to the notion it’s the 1930s. TG can think of no more fitting way to introduce Ms Markle to the idiosyncrasies of her new in-laws.

Saturday’s wedding will be, we’re told, a more understated, less conspicuously consumptive affair than previous royal nuptials, with guests encouraged to donate to charity rather than bring gifts. How better to demonstrate the Windsors’ frugal streak than by departing in the product of Europe’s most budget-orientated car company, Dacia?

Not a Sandero, obviously. A wedding is meant to be a joyous occasion. But the plucky Duster, Top Gear feels, strikes that happy blend of parsimony and party. White paint, base-spec wheels, manual gearbox, natch.

We’ve checked. Windsor Castle is very close to the River Thames. And there is surely no more stylish way to depart your nuptials than by water, upon Top Gear’s home-built budget superyacht. It does, after all, boast an on-board piano, retractable telly and intimate, fibreglass scented boudoir. And as much Eddie Jordan as you can handle.

There’s literally no logical reason why Prince Harry and Meghan Markle might choose the Sixties Italian GT for their big day. Nonetheless, Top Gear dearly wishes it to happen, solely to hear the BBC’s royal correspondent announce, in hushed tones: “Waving to the well-wishers, the happy couple departed Buckingham Palace in a mint condition 1968 Iso Grifo.” That sentence has been uttered too few times on primetime telly.

Back in the 16th century, intrepid explorers would honour their royals by naming far-flung lands in their honour. Lot of effort, that. Here’s a far cheaper tribute to Britain’s newest princess. Jimmy the last letter off the Megane’s badge, and tell her that her mildly illiterate subjects have commissioned an entire Renault in her honour!

While the Megane RS hot hatch would be the obvious choice for a thrusting young pair of international jetsetters, we’ve got a sneaky suspicion they’d opt for the potent combination of pace and economy offered by the diesel GT edition.

Top Gear does not frequent the gossip pages of the tabloid newspapers, so knows little of Ms Markle’s preferences and peccadilloes. But we think she’d like the 250MM. Partly because it’s one of the most beautiful, rare, expensive Ferraris ever. But also because, y’know, it’s got her initials on it.

If Top Gear knows Prince Harry – and we like to think we do – he’s not the sort of selfish chap to hop in a two-seater sports car with his new wife at the end of the evening, leaving his bladdered pals to cadge a lift with Auntie Anne. Oh no. 

Harry, we hope, will grab himself a Hyundai i800 – probably that one they sell in South Korea with nine seats – and selflessly spend the night running guests back to their provincial inns and AirBnB rooms.

We think – think – the royal couple are better than whisking away a new princess in an old Princess. But you never know. You never know.