Ten things we learned this week: 25 March 2016 edition

It’s a glorious Ten Things return for driving dogs, and it’s all thanks to Vauxhall’s latest advert.

Keen to extoll the virtues of its self-parking tech, it has chanced upon the most heart-melting advertising campaign idea possible. Why not pop a dog behind the wheel as the car squirms its way into the bay?

If credit is being dished out for the idea, then even more of the stuff should be lavished upon the head of casting. Have you ever seen such an adorably nonchalant dog?

Gerty is perfect for the role, though sadly some ham-fisted PR has seen him quoted. Over to ‘Gerty’: “Through my acting debut in the Corsa with Advanced Park Assist I’ve demonstrated how this technology can help you find a parking space and steer you into the spot.  You’d be barking mad not to try it out.”

Ten Things has immediately bought a basket, toys and biscuits. All the things we need to rescue Gerty from his newfound PR purgatory. The TG garage could do with a valet parker…

There can be few marketing departments working as hard as Jaguar Land Rover’s. It seems not a day goes by without an update in one form or another, and not content with launching a million-quid car this week, Jag as also given us the image above.

It’s of Michelle Rodriguez - she of Fast and Furious fame - having just clocked her personal best top speed in Jag’s new F-Type SVR. 201mph is the exact figure, in the middle of the Nevada desert. On a closed highway, it must be added.

The number appeared on the speedo, rather than some official telemetry, mind you. But who are we to ruin Michelle’s moment? “Reaching 201mph felt amazing,” said the Avatar actress.

“The car drove really smoothly, all my corrections were minimal, I was super focused, and it really reacted in all the right ways. I don’t think I’d ever go this fast without a professional driver seated next to me, but oh man, it was an incredible feeling.”

No sooner had the JLR cameras papped Rodriguez ragging it, and they found our future king rolling around in a Discovery Sport.

This was not in the Nevada desert, rather in the British Lake District to learn “practical flood resilience driving skills”. Some people get all the glamour.

“HRH The Prince of Wales joined the young farmers in training, getting behind the wheel of a Discovery Sport and drove through a beck experiencing the techniques of how to drive in water and negotiate the rocky river bed under the guidance of a Land Rover Experience Instructor,” reads the marketing bumf.

He should have just asked his ma - the Queen is famous for rolling around in a Defender, a car we imagine is a bit more adept at rock-clambering.

TG has already ran through some the saddest scrappage scheme victims.

But now, here’s the cold hard evidence that such brilliant cars have actually been lost to an onslaught of new Kias and Hyundais. A bunch of pictures have appeared on the Twitter account of Motor Vehicle Movers, and we’ve shed a few involuntary tears.

A row of cute little Minis, a gaggle of VW Beetles, and some classic Jaguar saloons are among the cars queuing up to be culled. Look carefully and there’s a Nissan 200SX, a VW Corrado, a Land Rover Defender… in fact, for your own wellbeing, don’t look closely. Just click to the above to the next slide and move along…

Picture credit: Motor Vehicle Movers

Oh god, this is still sad isn't it? There's a happy ending, fear not...

The VW Phaeton left the UK a little while back, so we’ve had time to adjust to life without it. But nevertheless, the finality of the picture above - which shows the very final car of a 14-year production run, rolling off the line this week - has our bottom lip quivering a little. No longer will overengineered giganto-Passats roll out of the excellently named Transparent Factory.

Happily, all the people surrounding it don’t lose their jobs, for the Dresden-based plant will morph into a “Volkswagen brand showcase for electromobility and digitalisation”.

VW, don’t forget, has grand plans for electric cars, including - huzzah! - a plug-in replacement for the Phaeton towards the end of the decade.

Okay it's not a car. But in similarly motorised transport news, the internet has been awash with reports of the Natural Environment Research Council’s online vote to name its new polar vessel.

An open invitation for name suggestions has been hijacked by web users with ‘RRS Boaty McBoatface’ the current frontrunner. Other popular entries include ‘RSS It’s Bloody Cold Here’, ‘RSS Usain Boat’ and ‘RSS Boatimus Prime’.

Weighing in at 15,000 tonnes and measuring 129 meters in length, the ship – which is currently under construction in Birkenhead – will be formally named after the competition’s closing date on April 16.

Luckily for the NERC, the most popular suggestions will be reviewed by an expert panel before a final decision is anchored in. You can, should you wish to, float your own ideas on the official entry page.

Picture credit: Cammell Laird/BAS

According to reports, anyway.

New South Wales Police were offered the latest iteration of Ford’s muscle car as a replacement for the department’s Ford Falcons and Holden Commodores, models which are due to cease production Down Under in 2017.

The ‘Stang is thought to have passed its brake test during its examination in Goulburn, but the automatic gearbox soon overheated after only a few moments of intense driving.

The Highway Patrol will now be forced to look elsewhere for a high performance vehicle. The lesson? If you’re thinking of adding your name to the waiting list, order a manual.

If you've not got the cash to even do that, then here's an alternative: buyers of the new special edition Monopoly Empire board will have a number of new tokens at their disposal, including the golden Ford Mustang pictured above.

The history of the traditional 1940s-esque roadster that went before it is unclear, although the performance figures for the new playing piece are likely to be the same given that the top speed and acceleration depends entirely on players’ hands.

Sadly, free parking is not included.

Nissan is never one to shy away from celebrating its latest high-tech safety features, although this week it’s an altogether more basic item that’s passing a big milestone.

The ‘curry hook’ – as it was later dubbed by the media – was first introduced on the Nissan Almera in March 1996 as a way of keeping bags upright inside the cabin.

It can still be found in some new Nissans today, although in the Qashqai and the X-Trail it is now located in the boot rather than on the dashboard.

According to the Japanese company’s David Moss, it’s little ideas like this one that keep “customers coming back time and time again.”

Perhaps other carmakers should tikka leaf out of Nissan's book: sometimes simple solutions are better than madrastic measures.

Or less specifically, from the US to Mexico.

The ride-hailing app will now arrange “seamless travel” across the border with its UberPASSPORT feature, although the journey will cost at least $90.

“Connecting and celebrating great cities, like San Diego and Tijuana, is right in Uber’s wheelhouse,” says Ryan Graves, Uber’s Head of Global Operations. “We can unlock even more travel opportunities and make the experience better for our riders.”

There is a catch though. While travellers can make the journey south, the return trip is trickier thanks to much tighter restrictions controlling entry into America from Mexico. No doubt the process will become even harder if a certain US presidential candidate gets his hands on enough bricks...