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  1. Twenty-four cars headed to Australia to participate in the inaugural race of the new season. Just 14 cars crossed the finish line. And guess who came first?
    Yes, that German. The 2010 world champion breezed through the chequered flag 22 seconds ahead of Lewis Hamilton with a pace suggesting he could have stopped off for a McDonald’s before driving across the line backwards. Of course, Lewis’s car was knackered, so you never know…
    Elsewhere, Button was left frustrated by Massa, Webber was left frustrated with his car, and both Schuey and Rosberg were taken out nulling Merc’s chances of a first-race recovery.
    Click through the gallery for all the action…

  2. Some F1 cars, yesterday

  3. Sunday drivers 

  4. 1984’s chief message of the dangers of totalitarianism and extreme government intervention is a lesson for the ages. But I still prefer the Channel 4 remake” 

  5. Rosberg dances the Teutonic Tango 

  6. “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need ‘roads’ ” 

  7. “Keep her running, I just need to grab a latte” 

  8. “Anyone hear that scraping noise? Just me?” 

  9. Some F1 fans 

  10. “Nobody eats my chocolate digestives and gets away with it” 

  11. “I said nobody“ 

  12. “Tell the puny earthlings not to bother next time, over” 

  13. F1’s very first boyband needed to work on their dance steps 

  14. Who else? 

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