2027 British Grand Prix to be held in New Zealand

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

After last week’s announcement that this year’s Bahrain Grand Prix will be hosted by Malaysia, F1 has revealed that the 2027 British Grand Prix will take place in Wellington, New Zealand.

“To be honest, putting on a Grand Prix is a whole lot of faff,” explained a Silverstone spokesperson. “So we figured, since words don’t mean anything any more, why not get someplace else to deal with the hassle of hosting the British Grand Prix?

“The New Zealanders seemed quite keen, probably because they haven’t got much else to do down there. We get to keep our name above the door, they’ve basically got the same flag as us for some reason, what’s not to like? And anyhow, with the traffic around Silverstone on race weekend, it’ll actually be quicker for most Brits to get to Wellington anyhow.”

Organisers believe relocating the race from Northamptonshire to the North Island could enhance Britain’s global image.

“New Zealand’s basically Britain, only prettier," the spokesperson continued. "And the people are nicer, because wouldn’t you be happy if you saw hobbits frolicking around every day? We believe the biggest boost we can give British tourism is by ensuring no one comes here.”

Emboldened by the realisation that they can play fast and loose with the very notion of object permanence, F1 organisers have announced a slew of further charges for the 2027 season.

“The Belgian and Austrian Grands Prix have decided to switch names,” revealed an F1 source, “while the Hungarian and Dutch Grand Prix are both going to call themselves the Italian Grand Prix because it sounds cooler. The Italian Grand Prix is also still the Italian Grand Prix.

"The United States Grand Prix has rebranded itself as the World Grand Prix because America. The Qatar Grand Prix has borrowed the Brazilian flag as it’s the best flag. The Monaco Grand Prix remains the Monaco Grand Prix but they’ve decided to ditch the Grand Prix bit and just skip straight to the party.”

And races won’t be alone in getting confusing name-changes for 2027.

“Isack Hadjar wants to be known as Max Verstappen, but Max won’t swap,” explained the source. “So looks like we we have two Max Verstappens now?

“And Lance Stroll has demanded to change names with Fernando Alonso to kill the nepo-baby accusations once and for all. Lawrence is fine about it. He’s now got a son who might actually overtake someone.

“Frankly,” the source continued, “the whole thing is a mess. Turns out when you start randomly altering the meaning of words, no one’s got the foggiest what’s going on. Hopefully we’ll have the whole thing sorted out by the time the season starts in March. Or ‘October’, as we’re now calling it.”