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Middle lane hogging moron vows to only keep hogging middle lane for another two months

The moron has pledged to apply his indicator and move over to the inside lane, in the next eight weeks or so

Here's's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A moron has announced that he will only hog the middle lane of the motorway for another two months.

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The moron, who’s been holding up motorway traffic for years creating untold misery, has delivered his intention to stop crawling along in the middle lane and do the honourable thing by finally, for the love of god, moving into the first lane.

“I’ve agreed with the cars flashing their high beams and beeping their horns behind me, that the process of choosing a new middle lane hogger should begin now,” the moron said.

“I want to say to the hundreds of motorists I have unnecessarily held up and caused significant pain to, thank you for the incredible mandate of being the most hated motorist on the public highway. To be given such an honour is the reason I ignored all common sense and decorum and continued plodding along at 49mph, right there, in the middle.

“I’m immensely proud of the achievements of my middle lane hogging,” the moron added, “from causing tailbacks that made the evening news, to triggering untold mental anguish to all those affected by my deliberate misunderstanding of simple motorway etiquette.

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“I’ve tried to remain in the middle lane to continue the consistent disruption to everyone’s lives, but as we’ve seen, when the entire herd is swearing at you to move over, no one is indispensable.”

Candidates likely to replace the moron have pledged to drive at a maximum of 1mph faster.

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