Overheating Triumph Stag could break UK heatwave records, scientists claim

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

An overheating Triumph Stag currently stuck in motorway traffic has been blamed for the recent heatwave sweeping the UK.

Top meteorologists rejected suggestions the sweltering conditions were due to slow-moving high-pressure systems, pointing the finger instead at a poorly engineered British GT car from the 1970s radiating extraordinary amounts of heat from its engine.

And experts are warning that if the mustard-coloured convertible Stag doesn’t get any fresh air into its engine soon, it could push UK temperatures into never-before-seen numbers and break heatwave records.

“What heatwave?” the owner of the Stag remarked, “it’s always this hot. Right?

“Yeah, it gets a bit cosy in here, but I just pop the roof down. How else are people supposed to see my fabulous Triumph cap?

“Sure, sometimes in traffic the view over the bonnet looks a bit weird; ‘hazy’, you might say, but I just imagine that’s because the Stag’s V8 is so powerful it can’t be contained.

“Yes, I topped up the coolant this morning and changed the water pump yesterday. That’ll see me through until tomorrow. Right?

“Oh god did that sound like a timing chain to you?”

A series 1 Jaguar E-Type stuck in traffic a few cars behind the Stag was also in a state of extreme overheating, but the owner was too busy flirting with nearby motorists to notice.