Report: all electric cars in the US to be retrofitted with V8s

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Electric cars in the US will soon be retrofitted with big, thirsty and hugely powerful V8 engines, according to multiple sources close to the US auto industry.

Every single electric car currently in circulation in North America will be subject to a recall so that their batteries and e-motors can be swapped out for a giant eight-cylinder combustion engine.

And it is understood the unused and unwanted battery packs will be used to build giant ramps for monster trucks.

“We’re going to fix everything about electric cars, and the reason is because they’re all electric,” an unnamed source close to the project said.

“Yes, putting massive V8s into three million or so electric cars isn’t going to be easy, but we’ll do it for the American people. We’ll deliver strong, safe and hugely potent eight-cylinder drivetrains into even the most humdrum of EVs.

“We’re going to lead the greatest V8 comeback in American history.”

When pushed on the logistics of recalling over three million electric cars, the costs of recontinuing abandoned V8 engine programmes, and the labour required to swap them all around, a source simply said: “It’ll be beautiful. Big V8. The biggest there’s ever been. So big.

“Ramps. Beautiful ramps.”