Speed cameras to be replaced by community notes

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The UK’s nationwide network of speed cameras is to be discontinued and replaced by a system of drivers dobbing each other in, TopGear.com has learned.

Having hastily concluded that speed cameras are actually a form of dystopian censorship, authorities are developing a new framework that will leave the job of policing the roads to motorists themselves.

Anyone spotted going too fast risks their car being community noted – as happens on X – with acts of contentious driving laid bare for all the world to see.

An early trial has generated mixed results, with examples of notes ranging from ‘This vehicle was seen doing 23mph past a school on a weekday’ to ‘YOU CUT ME UP ON THE CHISWICK ROUNDABOUT YOU ****’.

And analysts have noted there’s no actual consequence for breaking the rules under the proposed new system, although this is unlikely to impact its implementation in any way.

“Speed cameras are like the fact checkers of the road network,” said an insider, “so when Mark Zuckerberg announced that Meta was getting rid of them, we knew we had to do the same.

“The thing is, no one knows what a fact is any more. So how are we meant to agree on the speed limit? Nothing’s black and white. Except badgers.

“Anyway, since time immemorial 30mph has been 30mph, but what if it’s not 30mph? Maybe it’s actually 10mph. Makes you think, doesn’t it?”

Meanwhile, fixed penalty notices will be replaced by roadside honesty boxes.