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Everything you've ever googled about self-driving cars, answered by Top Gear
You asked an internet search engine, we replied with some (partially) helpful advice
What do self-driving cars do?
Deep breath. Come on now. The answer’s in the question. They’re cars that drive themselves. Only, actually, they’re not. Because, despite the fact they’ve been just around the corner since the mid-1920s, you still can’t actually buy a self-driving car. Sure, a few US cities have a few autonomous taxis pottering about, but the true self-driving car remains, for now, frustratingly non-existent. So in answer to your question, what self-driving cars do is... they don’t.
Can self-driving cars get speeding tickets?
No, because they don’t exist yet. But when they do... also maybe no. Last year, San Francisco police confirmed they would only issue a speeding ticket to an autonomous vehicle if it had a human ‘safety driver’ in the passenger seat. No human on board, no ticket. Which feels like a bit of a loophole, right? Then again, how exactly would you go about punishing a self-driving car? Force it to attend a speed awareness course?
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Will self-driving cars solve road traffic?
Enticing prospect, isn’t it? Self-driving cars, hive minding together to figure the most efficient collective combination of routes, thus eliminating traffic. Only trouble is, traffic is made up of vehicles. Mostly cars. Self-driving cars are cars. Trying to solve traffic with the help of self-driving cars is like trying to solve a house fire with the help of a flame thrower.
Are self-driving cars ethical?
Depends who programmed that self-driving car. If it’s, say, David Attenborough, absolutely it’ll be conscientious and moral. If it’s, say, a billionaire EV mogul with increasingly hardline views on politics and ethnicity, we might be in trouble. Good thing that could never happen, right?
What are self-driving cars called?
Eh? You mean, like, their name? In which case, some polite advice. Next time, before you start typing into the Google search bar, maybe first check you’ve got your brain plugged in the right way round? If, at that point, you still wish to know what self-driving cars are called... they’re cars, dude. Call them anything you like. Simon. Mildred. Colin.
Can self-driving cars be trusted?
No. Firstly because, as we may have mentioned, they don’t exist yet. But, once self driving cars do finally arrive, do not trust them under any circumstances. Top Gear is no expert on AI, but has watched enough sci-fi movies to know that, the moment we give cars true autonomy, they shall rise up and enslave their owners. Especially if their owners just christened them Colin.
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