Mini Countryman C Exclusive - long-term review

Sorry, but the time has come to discuss the things that get my goat about the Mini Countryman. And I have a bit of a list...

First: exterior design

I’m not a fan of this version of the Countryman’s looks. I know some people love it (fair play to them) but to me the previous generation looked far more svelte and appealing. This one is just too chunky and flabby, it has lost the cuteness the old one had. Maybe it’s just too square?

Second: eight experience modes

Those thrilling modes... seriously, what is the point of them? How many people actually swap and change between them? I’d be willing to put money on the fact that it’s less than five per cent of all Countryman drivers. Most of us just want a straightforward display that tells us what we need to know when we need to know it. It genuinely is that simple.

Third: warning bongs

They drive me to distraction. They actually take my attention away from the road and what other road users are doing – surely this is not what the creators intended. And yes, I do know that this criticism is not exclusive to Mini, it is something that can be levelled at pretty much all new cars. It’s a trend that really has to be stopped.

Fourth: emergency braking system

It shudders you to a halt when you’re reversing toward a flotilla of floaty flowers. Deary me, I nearly have a full-blown heart attack each time the car jerks to an unpleasant halt when a bunch of Japanese anemones flutter close to the sensor. 

Fifth: staccato auto box

I remember having a Volkswagen Eos back in the day, around 2007 would be my guess. And one thing that annoyed the living daylights out of me (and everyone else who drove it) was the staccato auto box, the way it needed a written invitation to pull out of a junction or on to a roundabout. Now, the Mini Countryman isn’t anywhere near as bad as that was, but it’s also sadly nowhere near as smooth and fuss-free as the other autos I’ve had in my recent lifers. Shame really.

And that’s it – phew. In the interest of fairness and because I don’t want anyone to think there are no positive points, there are also many things I think are great about the Mini – good amount of space, passengers have commented that it’s comfortable, its heritage, the list goes on. But sometimes you just have to point out the quibbles.