Before I can drive, first I must walk. There’s a standard posture here on the ice: arms out rigidly at 45°, knees slightly bent, feet shuffling parallel to the floor, as if possessed of ancient, badly lubricated hips. Freestyle it, and you’ll end up horizontal, the kind of whip fall where the back of your head is the first thing to make contact with the floor. It does not make for stylish progress. But conditions dictate that we’ve all got to potter around like Gore-Tex-swaddled penguins, or end up with concussion. The thing is, usually, when driving on ‘ice’, there’s a crust of hard-packed snow: slippy, but with some degree of traction. Unfortunately, Kall recently had an unseasonable spell of hot weather - all of 8°C - and that brief warm-up, coupled with a lack of snowfall, means that the lake has settled into a footing resembling a giant sheet of oiled glass.
Pictures: Mark Fagelson
This feature was originally published in the April 2015 issue of Top Gear magazine