BMW XM Halloween costume banned in 39 countries

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A Halloween costume taking the form of a BMW XM has been banned across Europe after authorities deemed it a threat to public health.

Officials fear that the outfit – which features the XM’s massive nostrils, vulgar alloys, and carries all the charm of a punch to the face – could cause widespread panic if used for Trick or Treating.

Concern was highest for members of the public still blessed with the gift of sight, most of whom are accustomed to seeing witches, vampires, and zombies with hideous flesh wounds come and go, but are ill-equipped to handle the contorted flesh of an XM made of cardboard.

Despite a crackdown in the build-up to Halloween it is believed some examples of the costume have entered circulation throughout the continent, even though it’s extraordinarily expensive and tasteless and often met by calls of ‘What a tosser’ from strangers and close family.

“We’re asking people to be extremely vigilant this Halloween,” said a UK government spokesperson. “The Prime Minister chaired a Cobra meeting this morning and domestic terrorism didn’t get a look in. That’s how big a threat this 1:8 scale XM with shoulder straps really is.

“Imagine being old and frail and opening your door to one of those? You’d welcome the sweet release of death like an old friend rather than live with the memory, wouldn’t you?

“It could get worse too. The intelligence services have picked up on rumours of a Mansory version, and if that breaks out the only option is a Covid-style lockdown. Stay safe, folks.”