Breaking: Skoda set to rebrand England’s Lake District to 'L&K District'

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Skoda will expand its sponsorship of England’s National Parks by rebranding the historic Lake District as the ‘L&K District’, sources have revealed to TopGear.com.

Following the enthusiasm generated by the Czech carmaker’s temporary sponsorship of the Peak District - rebranding it 'Peaq District' - bosses were keen to commercialise even more of England’s tourist hotspots by naming another one after its highest specification trim level.

Sources have told TopGear.com every lake will be treated to multicolour ambient lighting, 12-way adjustable fountains, and small umbrellas positioned around the perimeter.

“Our Laurin & Klement edition cars offer the ultimate in attainable luxury fused with premium lifestyle aspirational living, and we can think of no better partnership than with a set of cold, wet and windy lakes in the northwest of England.

“A lot of people mistakenly believe the Lake District is all about serene natural beauty formed from intense, violent volcanic eruptions, tectonic plate movements, and icy glaciers melting and scoring the landscape into fascinating, mesmerising shapes.

“Here at Skoda we believe it is instead a canvas upon which we can showcase our exclusive trim offerings like upholstered benches in plush materials not available in the Peaq District, illuminated lettering at selected docks, and an exclusive font on the front of information kiosks.

“We’ll stick a push bike in there somewhere to offset it all, but we’ll also play an animation of various Skodas ascending massive hills, and project it onto the side of Scafell Pike, Helvellyn and Skiddaw,” the source added.

Skoda was also considering a move on Worcestershire. “The Malvern Hills are just crying out to become the ‘MalvRSern Hills’, right? We’ll stick a massive rollercoaster running down the side of the Beacon and shape the carts like little Fabias," the source added.