Exclusive: VW to build ID. Buzz version that breaks down constantly

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his weekly, mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Volkswagen is plotting a new version of its electric ID. Buzz that’ll constantly break down and force its owners to question their life choices, TopGear.com can exclusively reveal.

Following the successful launch of the ID. Buzz’s various trim levels including ‘Pure’, ‘Pro’ and ‘Cargo’, a VW insider said the firm was planning a new retro-inspired derivative that pays homage to the original T2 by containing a host of endless, largely unsolvable problems.

“We’re calling it the ID Buzz ‘Classic’,” our VW insider confirmed. “Electric cars are fine, but they just don’t have the nuance and variety of problems that come from running an inefficient powertrain that’s basically just an endless and exceptionally wasteful series of controlled explosions.

“Our market research showed that, while original T2 owners claimed to enjoy carefree adventures into the countryside, what they actually really enjoyed was kneeling on their driveway in a puddle of oil, attempting in vain to fix their knackered old van while drinking many cups of tea. The new ID. Buzz Classic allows them to recapture that innocent joy.”

The new special edition will feature a host of randomised dashboard warning lights programmed from the factory that’ll render the ID Buzz undrivable, including ‘fuel pump’ and ‘flat battery’ alerts.

Later, our insider confirmed over-the-air updates will add further ‘snapped accelerator cable’ and ‘seized discs’ warnings, while pre-installed hardware will be programmed to slowly unstick the headlining in one corner.

“Skinning every knuckle while attempting to fix your broken T2 on the side of the road is the authentic van experience our new electric customers are crying out for,” the VW insider added.

“And anyway, it'll still be less frustrating than the air-con controls on the current ID 3.”