FIA banishes Guenther Steiner to the Phantom Zone for swearing

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The FIA has banished former Haas team principal Guenther Steiner to the Phantom Zone for his historic use of the f-bomb and c-bomb and also w-bomb.

Just days after it slapped Max Verstappen with community service for using a rude word in a press conference, the governing body then felt it had no choice but to take retrospective action against the popular Italian.

Article 15 Section 4 Paragraph C of the Sporting Regulations clearly states: 'Any competitor found to curse during an FIA Formula 1 Event must report to the stewards. At their discretion, the most serious offences may be addressed with banishment to the Void and a three-place grid drop.'

Now condemned to the same realm used to incarcerate General Zod and other villainous Kryptonians from the Superman comics, Steiner will undergo 300 cycles of somatic reconditioning, after which he will only be capable of speaking in robotic monotone about the difficulties of 'getting the tyres in the right window'.

Steiner said: "One is jolly cross that the FIA has treated one in this way. One doesn't recall those nincompoops objecting when one was single-handedly trebling interest in the sport on Drive to Survive.

"******* *******, all of them."

In a separate development, Carlos Sainz Jnr has been added to Interpol's Most Wanted list after crossing the track without permission in Singapore.