Man informed that F1 swearing fines are being backdated

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A man has entered a state of blind panic after being told that the FIA will backdate its swearing rules by several years in order to turbocharge its income.

Earlier this week F1’s governing body announced that its eye-watering fines for bad language would be drastically reduced, but failed to mention its penalties would now be applied to previous seasons.

The stewards will listen back to every single team radio message since Multi 21-gate, and active drivers will be stripped of their F1 super-licence if their historic swear jar isn’t paid off in a single lump sum within 28 days.

One man, who is known for his colourful choice of words and is quite popular because of it, said: “Oh ****. Wait, not that! Oh bother.

“I got promoted a few weeks ago and was going to put my pay rise towards new brake pads for my NSX, but now I’ll just have to sell it.

“And that won’t even scratch the surface. Have they said if you can pay in crypto?

“No? F-... fiddlesticks.”

It’s not clear how the FIA plans to use the funds generated by its retroactive fines, but in an entirely unrelated development its hospitality suite in Imola now features carbon fibre cutlery and a water cooler made entirely of 24-carat gold.

Meanwhile, reports indicate the news has forced Guenther Steiner into hiding.