Report: McMurtry Spéirling spends fifth day stuck on factory ceiling

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

McMurtry engineers have spent a fifth day attempting to unstick the Spéirling electric supercar from the roof of the factory following an in-house acceleration test.

The 1,000bhp fan car had successfully performed another 0-100mph sprint before it shot straight up the side of the factory wall, eventually coming to a rest on the ceiling.

Now technicians are scrambling to deactivate the Spéirling’s innovative downforce setup and unstick the Spéirling from the roof, in fear of it becoming a permanent monument to how successfully its giant fan works.

“’Stick a giant fan on the car, it’ll be fun,’ they said. Fun. We’ve been trying to shoo it down using rolled-up newspapers for nearly a week in the hope that it’ll move, but it just won’t budge,” an engineer explained, while frantically hunting around for a ladder.

“When we designed the downforce-on-demand system, we hoped it’d be useful in attacking corners with ungodly speed and accuracy, not bloody glueing itself to the top of the factory roof.

“To be honest, a lot of us won’t go near it because we haven’t slept for four days and now it’s starting to look like a giant insect up there. And the fan’s constant hissing noise is becoming a little unpleasant.

“But hey, at least we’ve answered that eternal, age-old question – yes, our car can drive upside down. Stick that in yer pipe and smoke it, Formula so-called One.”

When pushed on who was driving the McMurtry Spéirling during this record-setting acceleration attempt, an engineer said: “Oh god, did we leave Max Chilton strapped in there?”