Smart rebrands entire model range using Wingdings alphabet

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Smart Automobile will undergo a massive overhaul by rebadging its entire model range using the obscure and long-forgotten Wingdings alphabet.

The electric carmaker jointly owned by Mercedes-Benz and Geely will also rebrand its own manufacturer name using the original version of the complex, eclectic and frankly baffling Windows-based system.

It means its range of electric cars like the #1, #3 and new #5 SUV will instead be renamed ✁︎📂︎, ✁︎🗏︎, and ✁︎🗄︎, while its company name will now read ⬧︎❍︎♋︎❒︎⧫︎, in a move that will further infuriate anybody trying to either write or say the name of their new Smart car.

“Using the hashtag as part of our model nomenclature was not a random way of making us look funky and down with the youth, but part of a strategic, long-term play to freely use the astonishingly bewildering but hugely entertaining original Wingdings alphabet,” an insider revealed.

“Yes, we realise Wingdings was never supposed to replace a traditional alphabet letter-for-letter and yes we also understand it pre-dates the internet, but here at Smart we’ve always done things differently.

“Except for that one time quite recently when we started churning out massive electric crossovers and SUVs instead of building interesting little city cars.

“Apart from that, totally different. Sorry, ⧫︎□︎⧫︎♋︎●︎●︎⍓︎ ♎︎♓︎♐︎♐︎♏︎❒︎♏︎■︎⧫︎.”