V12 car grant gets go-ahead from government

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Plans have been unveiled for a world-first ‘V12 car grant’ in the UK, which will be introduced in the coming weeks to encourage investment in massive V12s.

It will work in tandem with the electric car grant that was reinstated last week, offering buyers a significant cash discount with the aim of boosting demand and keeping the country's proud history of V12 goodness alive.

The revival of incredibly loud Aston Martins will then be used to turbocharge development of e-fuels, which in turn is expected to halve the time required to hit the country’s emissions targets.

“We are absolutely committed to net zero,” said an insider, “but we had a huge problem in that a lot of people loved having a bloody good moan about it.

“So to get them back onside, we’ve decided to harness the power of truly massive V12s to both literally and figuratively power the rise of sustainable fuels.

“That means the ‘woke nonsense’ mob will be happy, the climate lot will back it, and everyone gets to enjoy the sweet sound of massive V12s burbling through every village and every city.

“Sunlit uplands, here we come.”

Further measures will follow soon, with massive V12s expected to join the national curriculum at both primary and secondary school level in time for the new school term in September.

Cosworth will be nationalised.