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Vauxhall announces ‘Bellingham Edition’ Corsa that’ll oversteer wildly at the end of every journey

Uninspiring hatchback injected with flash of wild brilliance to honour England star

Published: 02 Jul 2024

Here’s’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Vauxhall is set to capitalise on England’s last gasp knockout-stages win at the Euros with a special ‘Bellingham Edition’ Corsa that’ll oversteer wildly and magnificently at the end of every journey.

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The Vauxhall Corsa Bellingham Edition will automatically engage a hidden ‘oversteer’ mode that’ll send the passive hatchback massively sideways approximately 80 seconds before reaching its destination.

The special, limited-edition Corsa will also be treated to an LED light display on the rear windscreen showcasing Bellingham’s outrageous injury-time overhead kick in the style of an old Las Vegas casino sign.

“The Corsa, much like our beloved England squad, is a car that has all the ingredients to excel but instead prefers sensible, defensive competence.

“So we’ll inject it with moments – mere flashes, even – of extravagant flair and sheer, unmitigated brilliance to honour England’s 21-year-old footballing superstar.

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“Then it’ll go right back to plodding along monotonously as you wonder why you bought one of these and not a Fiesta when they still made them.”

Insiders revealed the Bellingham Edition’s stereo system will only be programmed to play The Beatles’ Hey Jude on repeat.

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