Classic car phrases explained: here's how to understand the baffling world of old metal

What people say and what they mean are often very different.

If, for example, an estate agent describes a property as “convenient for transport links”, they mean “the West Coast Main Line runs directly beneath this flat”.

When a boss ends an email with “no worries if not!” they in fact mean “do this immediately or I will fire you into the sun”.

Same story for classic cars. In this rarefied world, no one will call a spade a spade if they can instead refer to it as “a matching numbers, largely original soilman’s implement, presented in honest condition with character throughout, believed to have seen sparing use in period”.

Here, then, is your guide to speaking classic car.

“Estimate on request”

Whatever price you’re imagining, add two zeroes.

“Original and unmolested”

Has never had so much as an oil change.

“Largely original”

Barely original.

“No expense spared”

Has been, and will continue to be, an absolute money pit.

“Some signs of use”

Has been crashed into many, many hedges.

“Extensively campaigned in period”

Has been crashed at many, many racetracks.

“Sympathetic patina”

Every panel is utterly knacked.

“A story to tell”

Every panel and engine component is utterly knacked.

“An ideal restoration candidate”

Last ran in the reign of George VI.

“No rust that we are aware of”

We have not looked for rust.

“Believed to be...”

Here comes a florid bit of history we have literally just made up.

“Drives as it should”

Just as awful as you remember. Possibly worse.

“Charmingly patinated leather”

Six new species of fungus are breeding on the seats.

“A design ahead of its time”

Looked terrible then, looks terrible now.

“A car that needs no introduction”

Yet here comes a 1,000-word introduction anyhow.

“They don’t make them like this any more”

Thank Christ.