Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio - long-term review

What better way to test the Stelvio Quadrifoglio’s long-legged credentials than with a 650-mile round trip to Normandy? We know this SUV shines on twisty backroads, but how does it fare on long-distance journeys?

The adventure kicked off not with a roaring start, but with the monotonous M20, complete with a tediously long stretch of 50mph average speed check. Then it was onto 'LeShuttle' for the crossing to the continent. Eurotunnel’s upper deck, equipped with its vicious metal curbs and faulty air conditioning, made for an unpleasant yet speedy crossing.

Once we hit the French autoroutes, the Stelvio found its groove, munching miles at speed. Crucial for a family hauler, the standard sports seats are comfortable and nicely bolstered - no back arching or bum wriggling here. Cabin noise? Manageable, though those bottom door sills let in more sound than you’d expect. So much so, at times you might think the door isn’t shut properly. Fortunately, a good playlist or podcast makes it less pronounced. What was harder to ignore, however, was my cheap sun-blind choice to protect the baby from those pesky UV rays. A flapping window sock is the best way to describe it. Sadly, integrated blinds aren’t an option on the Stelvio. Who knew I’d be the guy moaning about sunblinds? Guess fatherhood changes you.

Eventually, the relentless flapping window sock called for a pitstop at a cidery in the Calvados area. Time for some twisties - Quadrifoglio territory. Suffice it to say, as usual, the car didn’t disappoint. Even fully loaded with family and luggage, it was a joy to drive without hitting the redline.

Stocking up on fresh farm cider did reveal a few practical shortcomings. With the 525-litre boot packed to the brim, rear visibility was non-existent, a bit of a pain in tight parking spots. The low-res reversing camera could do with some modernising. Then there’s the rear boot subwoofer, awkwardly jutting out, covered by a flimsy panel that’s already taken a beating. On the bright side, the Harman Kardon sound system is top-notch, a must for road trips.

The 8.8-inch screen feels small by today’s standards, but I sort of like that. It doesn’t dominate your view. The infotainment performed flawlessly, though I only used Apple CarPlay. But honestly, as long as that works, what more do you need? It’s refreshing to be in a car that doesn’t rely on its screen for every single feature, such as climate control. Yes, physical heater controls here! Also, props to Alfa for making it so easy to switch from mph to kph on the digital cockpit. Only a couple clicks on the steering wheel, no diving into sub-menus required.

And what about fuel efficiency? Alfa claims 23.9mpg on the WLTP cycle, but I got 19.8. Not exactly eco-friendly, but then again, that’s not why you buy a Quadrifoglio. You buy it for the smile it puts on your face, whether you’re cruising down the autoroute or blasting through Normandy’s finest B-roads… I’m already thinking about where to take it next.