BMW M5 - long-term review

It’s a point of some pride here at Top Gear that our garage includes every sort of car, from Duster to Conti GT via Civic Type R and whatever JDM hero (or piece of crap) Ricci has bought at 2am on eBay. So, I was confident that when my D Super needed to be trailered down to Citroën Classics in Staines from my house in Northamptonshire, the TG garage would have me covered.

As it turned out it did, in ways I couldn’t have imagined. I mean, what could be cooler than a tow vehicle with 717bhp, 738lb ft and an estate body?

So yep, the M5 Touring was pressed into towing duty. It would have to pull my stricken D Super (which was leaking hydraulic fluid, as usual, but also had various split hoses and fuel lines), plus carry four adults on a boiling hot day. Not quite the conventional M5 use case, but it does rather demonstrate the breadth of capability of the M Division’s hybrid super estate.

It coped beautifully. The ride is actually better with four blokes aboard and with Sport mode selected for the powertrain, it pulled the rig with nonchalant ease. People loved the sight of an M5 pulling an old DS, too. I’ve rarely had such a positive reaction on the M25. My own positivity towards the big (in fact, HUGE) Beemer increased exponentially.

After the graft there was recreation. No trailer, some great local roads and exploring Ollie’s pre-determined M1 and M2 settings accessed via buttons on the steering wheel. And the M5 Touring was… curious. Driven slowly it’s a not very convincing luxury car simply because the ride is very busy and the interior is just trying too hard. Flat out - a very rare occurrence as it’s so big and fast that exploiting the M5 in the UK is tricky - the car feels heavy and cumbersome.

There is a sweet spot where you’re making great progress but the M5 isn’t fully stretched. In this narrow window it feels responsive, balanced and effortlessly fast. It’s an illusion, but a pretty convincing one. But it takes just a bit more commitment or one nasty compression or mid-corner bump for the chassis to heave and crash and start to feel oddly ragged.

I adore M5s because they cover so many bases, but this one has forgotten the most important element in the process of seeking ever broader talents. M stands for motorsport.