Toyota Land Cruiser - long-term review

Having managed to pry the keys from Andy’s firm grip, I planned to take his Land Cruiser on a family holiday to see how it’d fare as a road trip workhorse when there are six adults to transport and all of their gear for a week away. After all, Toyota itself describes this thing as “The Ultimate SUV”, and it’s very nearly as big on the outside as a Land Rover Discovery, so it should be properly practical.

Unfortunately, before the holiday had even started the drama began. I’m not talking family drama either, because on returning home from a supermarket run in London to grab the necessary supplies, I had a notification on my iPhone that alerted me to my movements being matched by an AirTag.

I dismissed this at first, assuming that Andy must have popped an Apple-branded tracker in the car to remember where he’d parked it. Or perhaps I’d been sat in traffic behind another car that was carrying one? It was a particularly busy journey home, and London’s roads are tightly packed at the best of times.

The next morning was the first leg of our journey to collect the other half of our travelling party, and sure enough when we arrived after a couple of hours on the road, my phone pinged again.

“AirTag found moving with you.”

Clicking this notification brings up a map of your movements that have been matched by the tracker, making it immediately obvious that it was in the Land Cruiser.

Having confirmed with Andy that it wasn’t his and that he’d not had the notification while driving, I realised that it must have been a new addition in the 24 hours I’d had the car. This is when things start to feel a little uneasy.

Once you’ve had the notification there is also the option to ‘ring’ the AirTag in order to try and locate it, but out on the driveway that night I couldn’t hear a sound. Thankfully, you’re also able to use a ‘Find Nearby’ function to essentially track the tracker, and after scrabbling around under the Toyota for a good while I eventually spotted some duct tape inside a section of the rear bumper. Surely not?

Yep, tucked in between bits of underbody cladding was the offending AirTag, and it was wrapped in so much tissue and tape that it wouldn’t let any sound out and probably would have survived one of Andy’s off-road jaunts. It also must have been pre-prepared, because there’s no way that someone put that together and stuck it under the car in the time it took me to buy a little bit of shopping. Oh, and they also must have brazenly stuck it under the Land Cruiser in broad daylight. I was just thankful they hadn’t come to try and pinch it on the very first night the car was in my possession.

Still, keep your eyes peeled people, and if you’ve got an Android phone it might be useful to download the ‘Tracker Detect’ app from the Google Play Store. That links to devices within Bluetooth range that use Apple’s Find My network (including AirTags) and pings you a similar notification if something is following your movements. Thieves are apparently using AirTags more and more frequently to keep tabs on desirable cars before pinching them at an opportune moment.

And yes, after a tumultuous first few days with the Land Cruiser I can confirm that it’s every bit as ultimate as Toyota claims. Yes, it’s expensive and the old 2.8-litre turbodiesel from the Hilux is clattery, but the eight-speed auto is super smooth and road noise isn’t terrible even on slightly knobbly rubber. It’s an excellent road trip wagon, and I even managed to speed up the system for turning off the warning bongs (by having the ‘Settings’ shortcut shown on the dial display at all times).

Of course, it’s not perfect. It turns out that the Land Cruiser really doesn’t like sunglasses as it can’t see what your face is doing. This means even more bonging. Oh, and the shadow from a motorway bridge caused a very brief moment of panic as the car activated its automatic emergency braking system at 70mph thinking we were about to hit a very shady wall. Clearly even new cars built to a trusted old recipe are too clever for their own good.

Even so, I bonded with the Land Cruiser and loved the space inside. I saw well over 30mpg even when fully loaded, and you can genuinely use that third row of seats for actual adults. It’s a fantastic SUV this, but just make sure you pay for it if you want one, yeah?