The ugliest wheeled object in the history of wheels: why the Johammer J1 bike was an Epic Fail

As a rule, Epic Fail steers clear of featuring motorbikes, for two reasons. First, Epic Fail is not a motorbicyclist, and does not understand the subtle nuances of the craft, or indeed why motorbikes don’t just fall over all the time. Second, many motorbicyclists are both musclebound and also leatherbound, and thus not the folk to anger by saying something out of place.

Nonetheless, Epic Fail feels confident in its decision to consign this motorbike in the ‘big ol’ crash and burn’ category. This particular motorbike was the magnificently named Johammer J1, a machine Epic Fail would applaud for its ambition were Epic Fail’s hands not busy shielding Epic Fail’s eyes.

The concoction of Austrian industrial designer Johann Hammerschmidt, the J1 arrived in 2014 promising to shake up the world of electric motorcycling, which wasn’t that hard on account of there being very few electric motorbikes around in 2014. With hub-centre steering, regenerative braking, info screens incorporated into the mirrors and no foot controls, it went all in on the shaking.

Johammer proudly proclaimed the J1 to be the world’s first electric bike with a 200km range, which it achieved with the help of a) a 12.7kWh battery and b) being very slow. Power output stood at just 15bhp, with a top speed of just 74mph, or somewhat less if the rider had just finished a big lunch.

Epic Fail suspects it was not this lack of pace that saw the J1 fail to reach production in any meaningful sense. Epic Fail suspects it had rather to do with the fact the J1 looked like a particularly surprised slug. Or maybe a melted pizza cutter. Or a poorly constructed Quonset hut. Though Epic Fail is no expert on motorcycle design, Epic Fail is happy to proclaim the J1 not only the ugliest motorcycle in the history of motorcycles, but the ugliest wheeled object in the history of wheels. The most hideous of hogs.