"A plum of a machine": no, the Dodge Nitro was not a good car, and here's why

Even the blindest optimist wasn’t expecting the Nitro – launched in Britain in 2006 – to be a smash hit.

Chrysler’s UK offerings of the period had set the bar very low indeed. But, like a champion limbo dancer, the Nitro eyed that low, low bar... and somehow managed to dip lower still. Dodge claimed the mid-sized SUV was tailored to European tastes. Quite which mad European was unclear.

The exterior styling was clearly targeting the ‘Texas toddler’ demographic, while the base engine was a 3.7-litre V6, which made a great deal of noise and almost no power.

At least the Nitro’s interior could have been described as impressive, provided the word “impressive” was immediately followed by the words “that Dodge thought it could get away with something so cheap and shoddy in the 21st century”.

That shonkiness was matched in the handling department. To call the Nitro’s road manners ‘blancmange-like’ would be libellous to the average blancmange. In corners, it heaved and tipped like a sailboat in a... yeah we’ve just defamed sailboats there as well, haven’t we?

Things got marginally better when you left the tarmac, mostly because you were further away from other motorists mocking you for purchasing such a plum of a machine. After just a handful of years on sale in Britain, the Nitro was quietly euthanised. Even the lowest expectations are sometimes still too high.