This dented, rusted, and frankly brilliant ‘Not Wheels’ toy celebrates crap first cars

Hot Wheels has partnered up with a company called MSCHF to celebrate the sheer, unadulterated crapness of first cars with this magnificent creation. Behold: the Not Wheels toy.

It was built as a homage to all the rubbish cars drivers are forced to begin their automotive lives with, and while brilliant, TopGear.com is enormously concerned if you’re buying cars with three wheels.

Hence why Mattel – makers of Hot Wheels – has gone full caps lock explaining that this particular toy ‘DOES NOT ROLL’. Still, inspiration for its design came from the Nineties Japanese imports Americans were treated to, hence why it looks like a mash-up of the best generation of Japanese cars and not a selection of crap but equally brilliant French superminis we got in Blighty.

So yes, it’s only got three wheels. It also features a cracked windscreen, a dirty rear window with the classic ‘wash me’ scrawled on it, some parking tickets, mismatched panels, poor arch-rust repair, a ‘Turbo’ decal and of course, the obligatory aftermarket rear wing. Seriously though, what kind of beaters were Americans buying as first cars?

“Thoroughly dented, rusted, and amateurly repaired, our Not Wheels car proudly shows off both how hard it’s been driven and how much it’s been loved,” said Mattel.

In yet more excellence, it’s even got a sort of classified listing written on the back of the pack. “NO WARRANTY,” it exclaims, before writing what we’ve all read as a perfectly acceptable explanation before buying a rotter. “Car is in great condition, just needs a little work,” it reads. “By purchasing this HOT WHEELS Basic 1:64 scale car, buyer indicates that they own polyester putty, spray paint, and know a guy who can buff out dents.”

Sadly, you won’t be able to purchase this particular rotter, because it’s sold out. It was available for just $30 – no doubt the same price as yer average first car. More of these, please.