“Think of something clever to say, for Christ’s sake, Harris, that’s the only thing you’re vaguely competent at.” The road is challenging, the scenery sub-alpine magnificent and I’m driving a car I never thought would exist – a rear-driven 500bhp Alfa saloon car, YIPPEE! And the vocabulary my addled brain keeps proffering to celebrate this momentous occasion? “Holy ****, it’s fast.”
Fast. The simplest speed adjective of them all. Rightly dismissed as banal and unimaginative by the masses, but that’s conveniently forgetting the primeval regression back-to-basic speech we all embrace when something takes us by surprise.
The Giulia Quadrifoglio had taken me by surprise. The camera was rigged, the microphone was primed, I wanted to peer into its aperture and chatter about torque-vectoring, carbon propshafts and the manner in which its turbochargers scroll. But then I hoofed the right pedal into the bulkhead and my inner chimp yelled: “S**t, that’s fast!”
This feature was originally published in Issue 284 of Top Gear magazine.