Cameras replacing mirrors blamed for spider housing crisis | Top Gear
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Wednesday 4th October
Satire

Cameras replacing mirrors blamed for spider housing crisis

‘No one thinks of the little guy' says friendly neighbourhood spider

Published: 08 Sep 2023

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The rise of cameras replacing wing mirrors on EVs has triggered a housing shortage for spiders, it is claimed, with the number of eight-legged stowaways in sharp decline.

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Cameras - which are typically sleeker than traditional mirrors in order to cut aerodynamic drag - don't offer enough surface area on which to anchor a harmless-yet-unsightly cobweb.

Wide-angle lens cameras also tend to be entirely sealed, meaning spiders have nowhere to hide while you dismantle the web on your 1.0-litre Corsa that will be entirely rebuilt by tomorrow morning.

"I thought the advent of auto-folding mirrors was bad, but this situation is much, much worse," explained a spider, who asked to remain anonymous. "It's getting harder and harder to find somewhere to live.

"Manufacturers don't seem to realise we need simple, affordable housing, not this luxury stuff that only the top one per cent can buy. Where are my hundreds of eggs going to hatch?"

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"Eventually we're just going to have to move into your car proper: under the seats, hanging from the headliner, inside the instrument binnacle,” it added, before whispering: “We could be anywhere.

"Like the sound of that? Huh? No. Now spec that Ioniq 5 with real mirrors like a respectable human being and we'll consider the matter closed."

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