Electric car range anxiety treatable with topical prescription cream, says NHS

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The NHS is set to publish new guidance for treating electric car range anxiety using a specialist new prescription cream, according to reports.

The UK’s healthcare provider has reacted to an alarming rise in the number of UK citizens afflicted by the problem, often caused by too much exposure to online comments forums and unsubstantiated claims made by people down the pub.

Now, it is advising those affected by range anxiety to apply a specialist topical cream three times a day until they’ve realised nobody in the history of automotive has ever cited ‘range’ as a reason for not buying a combustion-engined car.

“Electric car range anxiety can cause a number of unpleasant symptoms including an inability to understand you’ll never travel 900 miles in one go without stopping,” an NHS spokesperson said. “Christ, you’ve got a bladder. Listen to it.

“Despite countless studies showing the daily average UK journey to be closer to 20-odd miles, cases of people who don’t own electric cars thinking they’ll run out of range before they get to their destination if they buy one has only gotten worse.

“By applying this new cream to affected areas, symptoms usually clear up in a few days, or by getting off the internet for a bit.

“However, if you come into contact with a broken charge point or a wally in an old diesel who’s hogging the only working point, phone 111 immediately,” the spokesperson added.