Exclusive: Milk floats to return as V8 Trophy Trucks

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Trophy Trucks will take to the streets of Britain taking up new jobs as milk floats, sources have confirmed.

After a decades-long decline, Britain’s dormant milk delivery industry will mount a spectacular comeback with V8 power, following the widespread take-up of electrified cars and the consequent lack of available battery capacity.

“Milk is, let’s face it, a little bit boring,” a source from the British Union of Milk Delivery Enthusiasts said. “Calcium, protein, good for bones blah blah blah. Delivering it with zero emissions at the crack of dawn? Yeah, boring too.

“And sure, electric mobility is now all the rage, but we were there before it was cool, quietly and patiently delivering your milk and being the butt of a thousand ‘who’s the milkman’ jokes.

“We wanted to make a triumphant return in a flashy new electric car – something like a Tesla Cybertruck – but then we all agreed it’d be pettier and much more exciting to mow through your towns in a phalanx of 800bhp V8 Trophy Trucks.

“You steal our batteries, we steal your V8s.”

Meanwhile, a motor industry insider has confirmed draft plans to deliver batteries to car factories using milk floats.