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James Bond theme tune to replace English National Anthem

Authorities vote unanimously to change nation’s musical symbol to iconic 007 riff

Published: 10 May 2024

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The current version of England’s National Anthem is set to be replaced by the James Bond theme tune, sources have told TopGear.com.

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The rousing and world famous God Save The King will be retired in favour of a short musical number that appears in films about a British spy who blows everything up and powerslides an Aston Martin everywhere.

Despite a history stretching back to the late 18th Century and a recognisable verse, authorities felt it was time the nation’s most patriotic musical symbol be about a secret agent famous for his love of one-liners, impeccable suits and car gadgets.

“Picture the scene,” the insider said. “It’s the World Cup. England are standing there, tensed, ready. The Bond music blares in. Wembley stadium falls silent. Then Monty Norman’s iconic, stirring riff starts strumming along and suddenly England is one.

“We’re thinking of going Full Bond and sending a few DB5s sideways around the squad at the same time.”

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Responding to criticism that the James Bond Theme doesn’t actually contain any lyrics for the nation to sing along to, insiders appeared unconcerned.

“No, you’re right, there aren’t any words to sing along to, but be honest, most of you forget the middle bit anyway and just mumble your way through. You’ll just have to dum-di-di-dum-dum along to the main guitar solo and whale your lungs out during the big trumpety bits.

“Imagine, just before kick-off or before a heavyweight title fight or atop the Formula One podium, thousands of fans dum-di-di-dum-dumming their hearts out.

“It’ll bring a tear to the eye.”

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