Top Gear Live opens at the London ExCel

ALERT! The boys are, quite literally, back in town. London town, to be precise. The ExCel centre in London town, to be even more precise. And they'll be there for three more glorious nights blowing things up, starting fires, shoving celebrities into reasonably priced cars and politely asking the likes of Tiff Needell and Sabine Schmitz to do big, skiddy laps of our indoor track.

Which reminds us, we have an INDOOR TRACK. It's been designed by Lotus Motorsport - they sculpted the very same track you see on TG telly - so you get to see the cars (we'll get to them in a bit) reach really quite dangerous, crashy speeds.

The 80-minute track action's hosted by one-time Stig and touring-car mentalist Tiff Needell, alongside another man in an orange shirt (shirt subject to change). They'll be looking on as the real Stig (the actual one from your telly screen) does big sideways laps in some fantabulous machinery - expect Group B rally monsters (Audi quattro, Metro 6R4, Lancia 037 and Renault 5 Turbo II, to name but, er, four), modern hypercars and some killer classic icons.

There'll also be a constellation of celebrities knocking around the track clamouring for a drive in our Reasonably Priced C-apostrophe-D. Expect the likes of Gethin Jones, John Barnes, Ian Wright, Rupert Grint, Jamie Theakston, Charley Boorman and Sabine Schmitz - her who laps the Nürburgring like a boss.

I WANT VIDEO!

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BOYS? WHERE ARE THEY? AND CAN I TOUCH THEM?

They'll be hosting an hour of cast-iron cocking about in their very own stage show. Sadly, none of them are available to touch.

And what can you expect from 60 glorious minutes of TopGear frivolity? This year's show's in the Olympic idiom, so expect medium-sized Fiat curling, FMX limbo, potentially fatal chariot racing, a beauty contest and, inexplicably, splat the rat with CityRovers. There's also a man jumping over a moving Lamborghini Murciélago.

THERE'S MORE!

Head to the show arena, and you'll be able to sit in a faithful recreation of our deliciously downbeat TV studio, fondle a slightly malfunctioning Cool Wall, ogle swathes of cars used in our challenges and play on a huge bank of consoles loaded with the TopGear test track level from Forza Motorsport.

WILL THE TG LIVE OLYMPICS BE BETTER THAN BORIS'S?

Buy a ticket here, and judge for yourself. The dates are thus:

25-27 November, ExCel London, Royal Victoria Dock, London E16 1XL.

Click here