Smart #5 Brabus - long-term review

When you hear the name ‘Smart’ (and you probably haven’t for some years given the original company’s decline and recent rebirth) what do you naturally think of. Quirky? Clever? For me, it’s simply ‘small’.

But just like Minis are no longer miniature and Land Rovers rarely rove across rough ground, Smart is now a big car maker. Welcome to the 5, or #5 as Smart would tediously have it. An enormous (for Smart) electric crossover. And topping the family (and first to come and stay in the Top Gear Garage) it’s the fastest and most expensive version: the unlikely return of Brabus.

The 5 is arguably the most important car of Smart’s second coming, because it’s wading rather late into a hugely competitive area. Everyone from distant parent Mercedes to Hyundai makes a decent electric mid-size SUV. The Chinese make a lot of quite rubbish ones. If this heffalump is indeed the size of car you’re after, you’re spoilt for choice.

And just to make the 5’s debut in the Top Gear Garage that bit spicier, we’ve been sent the return of that unlikeliest of motoring unions: Smart x Brabus. In short, the fastest, most expensive model of the lot.

It’s already off to a good start, at least in the eyes of the public. I’ve already had plenty of people come up to me and say how much they like it, which I wasn't expecting. Since when do grey lumps of EV attract admiring positivity from strangers?

It does look quite imposing in its matt grey paintwork and contrasting red trim… but it’s not what I’d call a looker. Why all those extra little LED spotlights? Is it simply a rebadged Merc EQB – and if not, why is there such an echo of the boxy Benz in the bodywork?

So if it’s not something to buy for the image, is it a car that sells on the numbers? Perhaps. They are rather alarming. Smart says it’ll do 0-62mph in 3.8 seconds. Now I know EVs have skewed the traffic light grand prix out of all recognition, but this box will give a Ferrari F40 a run for its money. Hope I spot Lewis Hamilton at the next red...

As ever, there’s more EV numberjumble to decipher. The 100kWh battery delivers about 336 miles of official range, while an 800V electrical architecture – the rate at which current can pass through the platform – means it’ll charge at up to 400kW. If I can find a charger that can get close to that.

Let’s just hope they’ve supplied a separate written manual for all the tech inside, I’m already feeling not very smart. At this rate I think I’ve got a better chance of jumping in to the DeLorean time machine and making that work reliably than I have understanding all the features of the Smart’s twin 13in screens…