BMW XM to blame for collapsing UK economy, says government

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

The UK government has claimed that the implosion of the British economy in recent days was caused not by its own financial policies, but by the arrival of the new BMW XM.

In a round of interviews on local radio, Prime Minister Liz Truss rejected suggestions that the economic catastrophe currently engulfing the UK was caused by the Chancellor’s ‘mini-budget’ delivered last week, blaming it instead on the reveal of a near-three-tonne performance SUV.

When interviewers suggested that it seemed strange to draw a causal link between the reveal of a German 4x4 and the markets’ loss of confidence in the British economy, Truss took a long pause, then said: “Let me be clear. We need to remember the situation this country is facing. This winter will see the arrival of an enormous kidney-faced road-tank, and people are scared.

“Despite our decisive action, that uncertainty and fear is affecting our economy.”

Asked to expand on exactly how a 738bhp hybrid BMW could influence the financial markets exactly, Truss took another vast pause, then said: “The weight of it… maybe dragging the pound downwards, somehow?”

The XM will arrive in the UK in early 2023, priced from £145k. Or, as it’ll be known by then, ’12 American dollars’.