Motorist completes weekly food shop for family at small, local petrol station

Here's TopGear.com's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

A motorist has completed a lengthy food shop at a small, local petrol station blocking the only functioning pump, despite only originally planning for a five-minute fuel top-up.

The motorist, buoyed on by an increasingly irate stream of drivers building up in line behind their stationary car, decided to abandon haste, common sense and forecourt etiquette to instead spend a further 45 minutes listlessly wandering the small station’s aisles hunting for two-for-one offers on biscuits and sandwiches nearing their best before date.

After discovering the petrol station also sold basic items like bread, milk, and unbranded sweets, the motorist settled on performing an entire grocery shop that’d sustain their family for at least seven days and infuriate everyone waiting for them to hurry up and leave.

“I only popped in for some fuel but when I spotted a tranche of prawn sandwiches on offer, I knew I had to strike. My partner always shops at the big, out-of-town supermarkets with ample parking, a free flow of traffic and bread with an identifiable place of origin.

“But by shopping at this small, local petrol station and needlessly holding up sane drivers who just want to top up and go about their lives, I’m getting one over on Big Shopping.

“Those cars outside waiting on my entirely unnecessary 45-minute shop might be beeping and possibly using a variety of swearwords to encourage me to hurry up, but where else can I get an own-brand sat-nav from 2006 and a Mickey Mouse-themed protective case for an iPhone 3GS for £29.99? Yeah, take that, Tesco’s.”

The motorist was later spotted idling for a further 45 minutes at the same, solitary fuel pump in operation as they attempted to plug in and operate the 2006 sat-nav.