Report: NASA Rover finds remains of rocket-engined Pontiac Fiero on Mars

Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring

Renowned space agency NASA has confirmed its Mars Rover has found the remains of a 1984 Pontiac Fiero on the surface of the Red Planet.

Following the unexpected discovery of potential signs of life on the barren rock, the Perseverance Rover also happened upon the remains of an unreliable, poorly built American car embedded face first in its terrain.

Now, this discovery of a clapped out, battered Fiero has cast doubt upon every known law of physics, materials science and the very fabric of existence itself.

“We were beyond elated when we discovered a series of unusually shaped rocks on the surface of Mars indicating potential past life.

“But then Perseverance stumbled upon the remains of a really quite rubbish Pontiac Fiero and frankly, it blew our incredibly massive brains,” a NASA spokesperson said.

“It means everything we held true about our world and the universe beyond has been a big fat lie. Lykan Hypersports can jump across three massive towers and land perfectly horizontal.

“The very matter of an airport runway can inexplicably grow to over 18 miles so people can drive onto a moving plane at 115mph. A Dodge Charger can be swung across a ravine by a rope, crash, roll and keep its occupants perfectly intact. A Jeep can bizarrely defy gravity and speed along a collapsed rope bridge.

“And your incredibly modified Mitsubishi Eclipse will randomly blow out a floor plate if you inject nitrous oxide into the combustion chambers.

“Although to be fair, it’s a Mitsubishi, so, yeah."