The internet’s most searched car questions: pick ’n’ mix edition

Can cars run on water?

Hang on. Do you mean, can cars drive across water? Or do you mean, can cars be fuelled by water alone? In either case, absolutely not. Cars cannot drive across water because – at the risk of getting too scientific here – cars are hard and water is soft. Cars cannot be fuelled by water alone because – at the risk of getting too scientific here – water doesn’t contain enough bang. If you believe you have discovered water that can power a car, please do not drink that water.

Can cars run out of honk?

Tempus fugit. Memento mori. Life is fleeting. We are but dust and shadow. We must accept that every car we love will, one day, honk its last. A final, defiant toot, a parpy rage against the dying of the light. And then, thereafter, nothing. Only silence and darkness. As Socrates himself once said, a dehonked car is no car at all.

Are cars girls?

Very, very no. Please do not “fire her up” or “take the old lass for a spin”. Cars are not female. Cars are not male. Cars are cars. You wouldn’t gender your kettle. Don’t gender your Fiesta.

Are cars vegan?

Depends what they eat. Electric cars, yes. Petrol cars? Depends whether you view prawns that died hundreds of millions of years ago as animals or not. If so, TG regrets to inform you that your ICE car is a filthy carnivore.

Can cars fly?

Yes. Many have complained that, though we have been promised flying cars for nearly a century, they’re yet to actually arrive. These many complainers are wrong. Literally any car is able to become substantially airborne, given a sufficiently large cliff and sufficiently enthusiastic approach speed. So yes, cars can fly. Landing, however, is a very different matter.

Can cars get struck by lightning?

Yes, but don’t worry. If you’re in a car that’s hit by lightning, you should be absolutely fine – its body will act as a Faraday cage, protecting the occupant from electrocution. So long as, that is, you’re in a car made of metal. Fibreglass cars, not so good. Ever met a Lancia Stratos driver who survived a lightning strike? Exactly.

Where cars are parked is called?

This, genuinely, is one of the most Googled car questions. Where cars are parked is called. On every level – logical, grammatical, basic common-sense-ical – this fact explains why humankind is ultimately doomed. Is called car park.