These are nine of the best car upholsteries EVER

So classically tasteful it was revived for the 991R, Porsche’s classic hardwearing tweed-like fabric has been a staple since the Fifties. It’s even outlived the psychedelic pasha patterns that afflicted the 944 and 928. Phew.

Ask the person sitting nearest you right now to name a car with cool cloth seats and a pound to a penny, they’ll pick the Golf GTI. The MkIII and MkIV missed out on plaid seats, so it’s even easier to spot the duffers in GTI history.

Yet it’s Lotus that has to take TG’s Best Use of a Scotsman’s Sunday Best in a Sports Car award. The original S1 housed such lurid patterns it was deemed too tasteless even for Seventies James Bond. Unlucky, Roger.

Land Rover didn’t have the stones to say its urban-cool Rangie had a cloth option. The Alcantara-like texture is supposedly better for the planet than rearing cattle to relieve of skin. As every Notting Hill school-run luvvie now knows.

We tried to choose, we really did. But between the quilted velour Fleetwoods and button-back Eldorados, there’s no way to pick out the highlights of its dabbling with retirement home furniture in its fuel-crisis-era land yachts.

Not all upholstery has to send your retinas recoiling to be memorable. BMW’s latest M car seats are über-designed techno-squabs, but in the Eighties and Nineties they hinted at flagship status with three flashes of achingly cool colour.

All Civic Type Rs, whether subtle, lairy, turbo’d or 9,000rpm screamers, have had one thing in common – red bucket seats are a Type R staple. The latest ones might just be the best seats in any fast car.

As statesmanlike as a Phantom, the Century is Japan’s ultimate luxury car. Recently rebooted with only its third version since 1967, the Century has kept woollen seats, which are quieter to shuffle on, and less sensitive to temperature.

In the Eighties, Peugeot’s halcyon hot hatch was available with red cloth seats flanked by leather bolsters. Rumour has it the leather was so cheap, it sprouted cow hairs after customers took delivery. Stick with cloth, garçons.