*sort of. But who cares how tenuous the party is, when the cake looks this good?
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£56,430 when new
Blimey, are those wheels 17s? Nope. They might look tiny beneath the Mercedes GLE’s bulbous wheel-arches, but they’re actually a whopping 20-inches in diameter. That’s just how big this car looks, how hulking its presence. The GLE’s actual dimensions aren’t much different from SUVs it competes with - the Audi Q7 and BMW X5, for example - but on UK roads it feels ever so slightly bigger for some reason. Odd. UK? They’ve arrived? Indeed they have, fresh off the boat from Alabama, where the GLE is constructed. This is our first go in the UK, and happily the one we tried is pretty representative of the GLE most people will buy - a GLE 300d with just the one option, the £1,995 Premium Pack. That means the engine tasked with moving around this 2.2-tonne SUV isn’t one of Merc’s excellent straight-six petrol or diesels, but its also-excellent 2.0-litre four-cylinder diesel. Here it makes 242bhp and 369lb ft - a bit less power and a lot less torque than the six-cylinder-only BMW X5 (the 30d) with which it competes.
Still, the Merc is brawny enough for 0-62mph in 7.2 seconds and a top speed of 140mph, which isn’t bad. Meanwhile Mercedes claim 169g/km of CO2 and as much as 39.2mpg, to the BMW’s 162g/km and 36.7mpg. In mixed driving we saw low to mid-thirties from the Mercedes - more or less the same as you’d get from the BMW. Bet the BMW is more expensive, though. You would think so, wouldn’t you, what with it having two more cylinders. And you’d be right. But the difference isn’t much - £55,685 for the Merc plays £57,520 for the BMW. Admittedly the BMW we’re talking about, the cheapest available, isn’t an M Sport - that’s £61,020 - and the Merc very much is an AMG Line. But that’s because you can only get AMG Line GLEs in Britain, so the cheapest one you can buy is an AMG Line. You can, however, get non-M Sport BMWs. xLine, BMW calls them. The cheapest six-cylinder GLE, the 350d, is £61,955, making it a match for the X5 30d M Sport. You can also get a more powerful 400d, or go petrol with the mild-hybrid, still six-cylinder GLE450. AMGs in the form of a six-cylinder 53 and V8 63 will of course follow in due course. Good. Enough about spec. What’s the GLE like to drive? We’d still save up and spend the extra on the six. The four-cylinder diesel is powerful and torquey enough, just, but most of the time it still sounds and behaves like a small engine that’s being asked to move a very big car. Quiet for a four - we really rate this engine in most every other Mercedes we’ve tried it in - but inevitably and inescapably louder, less refined and cheaper-feeling than a six. Could do with sharper throttle-response, too. A big Merc is supposed to be a luxury object, and the GLE simply feels like less of one with a four-cylinder engine. It is at least pretty economical - you might see 40mpg on a run up the motorway - and a good mate for the nine-speed automatic gearbox, which is smooth and usually pretty on it when it comes to picking the right gear for any given situation. Responds well to paddle-pulls, too, should you decide to engage in a bit of schporty driving. Will I want to get schporty, though? Nah. Some SUVs feel much smaller and lighter than they are, and in this spec the GLE isn’t one of them. Despite the promises made by its AMG body kit, wheels and floor mats (yes, really), you’ll want to leave it in Comfort mode and waft. And it’s very good at that, with its quiet cabin and comfy seats. But try and push on and the GLE just feels a bit…sluggish. Slow steering, brakes that aren’t designed for such childish behaviour. That said the smaller GLC is mega as an AMG, so hopefully Merc let the same team do the GLE too. You didn’t mention the ride. In the USA the GLE’s party piece is trick suspension called ‘E-Active Body Control’, which can lean it into bends like an S-Class Coupe and scan the road ahead for bumps and potholes. Not available in Britain, though. Here six-cylinder cars get conventional air suspension, but the 300d has to make do with steel springs. Like a Dacia. Or a van. So equipped the GLE is not an uncomfortable car, but it is a bit jouncy, a bit soggy. Not as effortlessly smooth and controlled as you’d hope. Most of the comfort comes from the refinement (it’s very quiet once you’re up and running, with little wind or road noise to speak of) and the interior. Looks big in there. Yep, happily the GLE is no reverse tardis. It’s as big on the inside as it is on the outside, with masses of space wherever you look. You can even have seven seats, should you so wish, though people planning on using the rearmost two regularly are better off saving up for a GLS, because you can fit actual adults in those. Meanwhile the dashboard looks and feels good, and there’s loads of storage. The infotainment might take some getting used to - it’s the same system that debuted in the A-Class last year, displayed widescreen on two 12.3-inch displays inlaid into the dashboard. It’s great once you get the hang of it - Lexus can learn a thing or two about trackpads from Merc - but at first the configurability can feel a bit intimidating. And it would be nice to have Apple CarPlay/Android Auto as standard. Should I buy one? Can if you like, but we’d recommend saving up and getting one of the six-cylinder cars. These things feel built for big, brawny engines - a four-cylinder would have to go some way to make us change our minds, and this one doesn’t. A good SUV, but this is not the GLE at its best. 6/10 Read our full five-point review of the Mercedes GLE by clicking here.